The Reading Room
Why hello - yes, please do come in, come in.
I could’ve spotted you a mile off - you’re just the right type - well, your face first of all and the eyes; fresh enough but sufficiently abused by life to bring you to this place. And you are a man of course, they always are - and that’s just fine, that’s just fine.
So yes, please come in. Now, you’ll find the bookshelf to your right - all the required readings are there. Please make yourself comfortable but do try to get through them at a reasonable pace. There’s a lot of material and there’s no shortcut really. It’s all absolutely must read stuff.
Over there is the preferred reading chair - though do watch out: it has the strange occasional effect of swallowing its victims (no, truly, people have vanished into its upholstery). They always turn up though, usually better for it actually, but you’ll find out about all that.
What else now, hm, yes, the writing materials: pens, pencils, paper, all in the stationery drawer. There’s a scalpel too should you wish to carve a particularly noteworthy verse into your flesh. Oh and the hammer of course - very useful for thrashing out those more stubborn thoughts.
OK, you’ll also need lots of gin and herbal tea and what have you - that’s all included. There’s not much to eat but sleeping pills will help with the dreams. Make sure you dream as deeply and often as possible. That, combined with the readings, should see you through.
Last thing of course, just as soon as you’ve found Him, simply ring this buzzer and we’ll draw up your bill. Sound alright? Good, good! Please do come in! Let’s get you started.